


Did you know?

by xXSilver146Xx



Series: DuRaRaRa!! Idol AU [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Depressed Writings, Extremely Out Of Character, Idol AU, No Beta, Other, Poorly written, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 17:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8542915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXSilver146Xx/pseuds/xXSilver146Xx
Summary: He's always been unconfident in this subject, no one's ever known about his interest in it other than him.One day he decides to try and live a little and immediately regrets it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A friend of mine sent me a voice message of them "goofing around" while they sang a song beautifully and said they were talentless immediately after which sort of sent me into this mildly depressed and angsty state.
> 
> I've heard writing down your feelings helps so here I am;
> 
> Pinning all my shitty feelings onto my poor Masa-chan ; - ; I'm such a shitty human being...
> 
> This is really OOC as it wasn't intended to be specifically put on Masaomi, but he's my favourite character from DuRaRaRa!! so unfortunately that throws him under the bus that is piles of my feelings and shitty writing.
> 
> It's been a while since I've logged on so I'm sorry for the super long A/N and in case there are any grammar mistakes I apologize, this was not betaed and I'm on a shitty iPhone which unfortunately has a thing called autocorrect -_-

Did you know that a young boy used to dream of becoming a singer?

Kida did, he was the only one who know who this boy was and all his secrets.

This boy, while growing up, actually had a vivid dream he could almost grasp within his finger tips;

He could see the bright stage lights pouring into his sensitive retinas. 

He could feel the beat of the instrumental hammering from behind him and echoing through his body.

He felt his vocals stretch as he held out a note and proudly smiled as the bright and cheerful faces of his audience lit up.

He felt his entire being and entity soaring and never wanting to come down.

Everything felt right in those dreams.

But you know, don't you? 

That dreams are merely just that; dreams, nothing more and nothing less.

Dreams weren't reality.

And do you know what happened to this boy?

His dreams were crushed.

He was killed, not long after he dreamt.

Although he was dead, his body kept moving, just functioning with no particular goal or purpose in mind.

A few days after while walking to the music room in his middle school- shaking with excitement, he froze...

It was someone he knew, someone singing, someone who had a beautiful voice unlike him.

They had more talent than he could ever dream of or hope for, and yet...

"Ah, I give up, this is useless, I'm completely talentless! I can't do this anymore!"

Their once lovely voice echoed in a frustrated tone that for some reason struck a chord in him.

A small, fragile, and delicate string that stung painfully when struck;

Reality.

Suddenly everything came rushing at him in that very instant as the rushed and infuriated individual passed by, not even caring or noticing that their shoulders brushed.

That person didn't know him, but he knew them very well.

They were his idol.

They were the one that helped him through his toughest times and made him keep trying.

And now they were giving up, part of him screamed at him to stop them, make them rethink what they were saying before something happened that they would regret, part of him wanted to help.

The other part of him was furious.

How dare they, how dare the person that he had looked up to and supported all this time say that they had no talent?

They had so much talent in just the way they breathed alone, but even that wasn't enough?

They wanted more?

If they were "talentless" then what was he?

That meant he was far passed zero on the scale.

Probably worthless even, if not worse.

His fist clenched, short and bitten nails digging into the palm of his hand.

Just when he had finally built up the courage to walk to those doors a block was dropped in his way, something he couldn't climb over or walk around; all he could do is go under.

Go lower, lower, and lower, grovel into the rotten dirt like the trash you are and cry, you worthless scum.

Although the words were not his, he didn't hear them echoed in that sweet sultry voice, but instead in his brittle and weak one.

"I give up, this is useless, I'm completely talentless! I can't do this anymore!"

"Give up! Useless! Completely talentless! I can't do this anymore!"

Soon the words faded into barely more than a weak whisper...

"I ca-I... I can't do this... Any... More..."

His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes, his fists met the hard concrete that was the entrance floor.

His entire body felt as weak as his soul as he collapsed onto the concealed area; reduced to a mere whimpering and hiccuping mess of tears, bleached hair, and papers scattered around- completely covered and soaked with tear stains that washed away the pencil marks.

The boy was never able to speak again after that, let alone sing...

And no one ever knew, the dream this boy dreamt.

No one knew about the thoughts in his mind when he did it...

When he dragged those jagged nails across the vulnerable skin of his throat repeatedly.

He didn't understand why, why did he have the blasted thing if he couldn't even use it properly?

Why did he have it if all it did was bring him pain and hurt him?

Why?

It was a stupid question, and he knew it, obviously it was a mistake, just as he was.

When the wetness of his dark red blood reached and began to stain his finger tips he felt a familiar stinging pain that almost made him smile again.

This was the same pain he felt whenever he had tried to sing, only much lesser, and it wasn't deep enough. 

He had to go deeper, deeper into his throat.

"Guess this is the last time we'll spend together..."

That was the last time he voiced anything and the last time he felt anything at all...

Soon his hand began to ache, his nails had lifted due to the pressure.

He knew he couldn't continue using his hand alone and instead dug around in the cupboard aimlessly.

He didn't even bother looking where he was grabbing, merely staring down at the mesmerizing red staining his favourite white sweater.

Then he felt it- the item of his desire;

He curled his crimson fingers around the metal handle and prepared the plunge the blade deep to the depths he couldn't reach before.

Did you know? That this poor tortured soul once had a dream?

Did you know that the name of this boy was Kida Masaomi?

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry about how long/short this was and any mistakes.
> 
> This was all done within an hour in notes and was just transferred with no use of proper HTML font formatting.
> 
> But I'll admit that writing this was really fun so I might to more DuRaRaRa!! Idol AUs so if you have any suggestions please feel free to send them, I'm really fine with literally any ship or just a single character prompt even.
> 
> Who knows, this might even get another chapter, maybe we'll find out who that person that Masa-chan idolized was! ;D
> 
> Please give reviews and feedback!  
> Because although this was made with dark intentions, I'd like it to have a positive outlook.


End file.
